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It is DEFINITELY a sign... I'm sure of it!
You can blame these people...The message came across on my phone during a morning smoke break. It happens, like, every two minutes (the messages, not the smoke breaks, contrary to popular belief). I’m...
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The one where I lie to my kid (for good reason, I swear), and my other kid...
In addition to hating Texas and the New York Yankees, D-man apparently also hates yard sales ("because they don't have any of the toys what are the ones I like"), shopping for clothes, and every single...
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There are "winners" and there are "losers", no matter WHAT your mommy says!
Losing hurts, but it is necessary for growth!I have a problem. It is such a BIG problem for me that I have been talking about it for weeks, to anyone who will listen. Now I’m gonna write about it and...
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Lube, Tampons, and the Stress of Wholesale Club Shopping
There will be no "Week In Review" this Friday, mostly because I haven’t done SHIT to speak of. Instead, please enjoy this new and exciting blog post about wholesale club shopping...This shit? It scares...
View ArticleBoxers, Briefs, and the Birth of Captain Commando
I have always been a fan of underwear, but for vanity's sake alone.It should come as no surprise that I enjoy looking at myself in the mirror, particularly when I am wearing nothing but a really nice...
View ArticleLet's Make "Small Talk" More Creative
When you live in a small town, you are forced to make a lot of small talk. Sometimes, I wish I lived in a big city. I imagine that, there, I could go for days without seeing anyone I know and I...
View ArticleCouldn't We Just Take the Kids to Karaoke and Call it a Night?
Tonight I will attend my oldest son's elementary school concert, which is akin to a community theater production or a cheap hooker; The chances of being entertained or even mildly satisfied with the...
View ArticleDeaths I Refuse to Acknowledge or "The List"
I don't do well at funerals. Even if the deceased was 97 years old and lived a full, rich life, there’s still an air of sadness… and I hate sadness. I cry at every funeral I attend, even if I didn't...
View ArticleDummy
When I was a boy, my Nana routinely called me a "dummy". Now, before you get all like, “Oh my gosh, that's awful. You poor thing…”, the truth is, it wasn’t as bad as it sounds. "Don't put your finger...
View ArticleComplaining Doesn't Help
I fear that, as I grow older, I’m inching closer to becoming a complainer, which seems to be a prerequisite for old age. Old timers outwardly complain about everything; the food at restaurants, the...
View ArticleThanks for the offer, but you're not my type...
Lately, I have been driving Joanna’s Mercedes. It’s not the kind of Mercedes you think of when you think of a Mercedes. It’s a Kompressor, which is a German for “supercharged” or something. It’s a...
View ArticleMisery Loves Company
A few years ago, Joanna and I took a day trip to Coney Island. In the days leading up to our excursion, she tried her best to convince me to go on the historic Cyclone, a wooden roller coaster that is...
View ArticleNatural Instincts
“You need to come down here and see what the cats have done.” These are words that I hear far too often. I typically ignore these statements, noting that the cats belong to Joanna and that whatever...
View ArticleBirthday Blues
We recently celebrated Luca’s ninth birthday. It was a small affair with a handful of family members. I wasn’t going to go overboard with some big party because, frankly, we had already gone...
View ArticleBut, I FEEL Forty!
I guess it is commonplace to be carded these days, no matter how old you are. No longer can you feel “young again” after having your identification checked for the purchase of alcohol, tobacco, or...
View ArticleSleep Deprivation Makes The Kids More Tolerable
I love it when my boys are affectionate toward me. Hugs, kisses, snuggles, and tickles are my absolute favorites. Destin, at five years old, avoids hugs and kisses from his dad, opting for a good old...
View ArticleThe Trouble With Passwords
In the old days, we never had to remember passwords, pin numbers, and the answers to security questions like, “What was the name of your first best friend?” and “What was the name street you lived on...
View ArticleMaybe size DOES matter!
A friend of a friend is moving and wants to unload a few things, including a flat screen television. I didn't realize how sketchy I must have sounded, until the conversation was over."My girlfriend has...
View ArticleHello Muddah, Hello Faddah
Luca recently finished a week at Cub Scout day camp. Scout camp was an easy sell once I suckered the mom of his best friend into sending her son to camp, plus it was scout camp and Luca loves scouting...
View ArticleDaddy's Boy
This afternoon I went to Destin’s “Ice Cream Social/Kindergarten Orientation”. It was the first time I had seen my boys in seven days. I didn’t get to spend much time with Desi at the event because he...
View ArticleAre You Straight?
I was recently talking to a woman (a complete stranger) over the phone at work. We had a pleasent conversation about how lucky we are to live on the North Fork of Long Island. At one point, she asked...
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Apparently, Texas has stupid hats AND stupid shoes!
Stupid Texas!Last week, Lu-Dog was watching “How the States Got Their Shapes,” and the featured state was Texas.It is important to note that D-Man and Lu-Dog don’t appreciate the same television...
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Cleaning (for) the Soul
I like the things around me to be clean.Scratch that, maybe “organized” is a better word. I’m a guy, so a little pee on the potty and some crusted paste in the sink doesn’t bother me. Living with The...
View ArticleWhat a Difference (Five Years and) a Day Makes
The holiday weekend was abysmal… Moist. Hot. Hot and wet. Humid... Although the weather opened the door for Joanna to crack Throw Momma From The Train jokes, much to the delight of her writer...
View ArticleWeapons of Mass Destruction
I know how to fight dirty better than anyone I have ever known. In the heat of battle, I can end our argument before it even starts and you will lose… but so will I.I have always had this uncanny...
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